So I come home from a long day at work, tired, hungry and vaguely pissed off (that’s what work does to you!). Luckily for me, I grabbed myself a Chicken Royale after work and now I’m home, feet up, TV on, ready to tuck in.
I open the brown paper bag – that I’ve probably just paid 5p for, #ripoff – and see much to my surprise and considerable disgust that instead of Burger King’s usual fries, they’ve given me their new low-fat, super-duper crinkle cut chips. This isn’t a good start. Although to be fair, I had made a mental promise to myself that this would be the week that I would finally enact my New Year’s Resolution and start eating more healthily. Better eleven months late than never, eh? But on the second day of the new, healthier me, here I am sitting on the couch junk food in hand. Aw well, as they say these days, YOLO.
Anyway, when I come home from work I usually like to flick the news on and see what I’ve missed. But ever since the Independence Referendum, me and the BBC News have suffered a great deterioration in our relationship. The kind that no amount of counselling can ever hope to overcome. So my only real choice of news outlet is Sky News. Same old headlines really: the coalition hate each other, ISIS is bad, there’s been a murder, etc, etc… but then a couple of stories caught my attention.
Wayne Rooney was filmed alongside Ed Sheeran, completely murdering one his songs as Ed played the guitar and basically pissed himself laughing at Rooney’s poor effort. Even the usually stoic Sky newscaster cracked a smile and delivered the completely predictable but nevertheless obligatory line: “Don’t give up the day job, Wayne!”
The other story was about Taylor Swift, one of the richest young artists on the planet, deciding that people shouldn’t be allowed to listen to her music for free on the Spotify streaming service. Which led me to ponder: is Taylor Swift in fact the ultimate bint?
And so it came to be that Princess Swift, from her golden, ruby-encrusted throne did declare that the commoners should only be permitted the Devine privilege of listening to her hallowed tunes should they contribute further to her almost unfathomable wealth.
Sky News said that Taylor was of the opinion that music should be paid for and shouldn’t be free. I thought I was being Punk’d. Here’s me sitting in my living room looking for the hidden cameras and waiting on Ashton to jump out at any second. Is this bitch for realsies?
This revelation led me to an obvious conclusion: Taylor’s just in it for the money. I mean, if you’re willing to deprive your fans access to your music because they can’t afford it, via a platform that does actually pay you everytime someone plays your content, then you’re obviously a greedy bint.
I would hazard a guess that the vast majority of Swiftypoo’s fanbase are teens. The same teens that are scarily technologically adept. They know where and how to illegally download music for which the artist doesn’t receive a penny.
Artists like Taylor Swift are paid, according to the report, between 0.5p and 0.7p each time one of their songs is played. That doesn’t sound like much, but Spotify only keep around 30% of revenues for themselves, meaning the remaining 70% goes to the record companies and artists. Add to that the fact that the most popular artists on Spotify receive around £200,000 a month in royalties from the service and, it might just be me, but I really struggle to understand Taylor’s point of view.
In fact, I’ve just checked my iTunes there and found that I have a total of four T Swift songs in my Library. The most played one has a play count of 268. Had I listened to the same song on Spotify 268 times, I would have paid 187.6p in to the Swiftilicious purse. And considering I actually paid just 99p to download and keep the song, able to play it an unlimited amount of times… maths obviously isn’t Taylor’s strong suit. As a Sky newscaster once almost said: “Don’t give up the day job, hen.”